Sunday Morning

When allowed to wake up on her own schedule, Emma springs to consciousness like a rainbow.  She is sweet and warm, cuddly with her arms around my neck like a baby koala bear.  Her breathy-voice smiles as she talks about daddy going potty, mommy going potty, doggy going potty.  She is calm and spirited at the same time, these types of mornings.

Today Bob got up first and took her out of bed while I laid under the blankets.  I didn’t go back to sleep, I like to lounge in bed.  That is.  Until some of the repetitive thoughts come tossing through.  This morning I couldn’t stop thinking about a recent phone conversation.  A dear friend of mine called me the other night in true terror, “Daleth – I just HAD to call you, Have you ever given Emma an immunization?!?  I just heard all of these horrible things about them, they CAUSE autism!!!”  She is childless and sweet and sometimes naive, and I tried to breathe through a 10-minute vocal exercise about what I think is going on with all this vaccination stuff.  (If you disagree with me on this, please just keep your comments to yourself this time, I beg you please.)

When I hung up I felt the weight of the world on my back, and I knew she would never be convinced that I had not GIVEN my daughter autism.

I have to let it go, I know, but the little parts of information that I have, and the arguments I have found within myself keep cycling around and around.  I wish I could make her understand what I feel and have found, and through that, I wish I could make the world understand what I feel and have found.

It seems like there are so many witch-hunts in our society.  I guess it’s just something to keep me humble; to remind me to be wary of my own preconceptions I might have towards other people and their life’s challenges.


6 thoughts on “Sunday Morning

  1. By the way, If my dear friend I just wrote about above ever reads this, please know that I know you mean the best with your inquiry. It’s one of those things that if you haven’t experienced ‘it all’ you’d never know how frustrating those inquiries really feel. ❤


  2. Good intentions have a way of falling short when you don’t first walk a mile in a person’s shoes, and even then it’s no guarantee. Wisdom and love are about releasing others from pain, but we aren’t all there.


  3. John

    Thank you for sharing your life. My heart goes out to you and your family. One of my favorite sayings is that “everyone does the best with what they have”. This includes your friend with the immunization argument. As you know, there are a lot of fingers pointed at me right now, but all I can do is move forward. That’s really all any of us can do.

    Emma is a cutie pie. I look forward to following her progress on this blog.


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