When allowed to wake up on her own schedule, Emma springs to consciousness like a rainbow. She is sweet and warm, cuddly with her arms around my neck like a baby koala bear. Her breathy-voice smiles as she talks about daddy going potty, mommy going potty, doggy going potty. She is calm and spirited at the same time, these types of mornings.
Today Bob got up first and took her out of bed while I laid under the blankets. I didn’t go back to sleep, I like to lounge in bed. That is. Until some of the repetitive thoughts come tossing through. This morning I couldn’t stop thinking about a recent phone conversation. A dear friend of mine called me the other night in true terror, “Daleth – I just HAD to call you, Have you ever given Emma an immunization?!? I just heard all of these horrible things about them, they CAUSE autism!!!” She is childless and sweet and sometimes naive, and I tried to breathe through a 10-minute vocal exercise about what I think is going on with all this vaccination stuff. (If you disagree with me on this, please just keep your comments to yourself this time, I beg you please.)
When I hung up I felt the weight of the world on my back, and I knew she would never be convinced that I had not GIVEN my daughter autism.
I have to let it go, I know, but the little parts of information that I have, and the arguments I have found within myself keep cycling around and around. I wish I could make her understand what I feel and have found, and through that, I wish I could make the world understand what I feel and have found.
It seems like there are so many witch-hunts in our society. I guess it’s just something to keep me humble; to remind me to be wary of my own preconceptions I might have towards other people and their life’s challenges.