good days, and not-so-good-days

Today wasn’t an especially good day with Miss Em.  I left this morning before she woke up and headed over to my sister’s office.  It was empty, quiet, and perfect to get my Autism Presentation finished.  I have my first actual presentation scheduled this week [holy cow!].  Anyway, apparently she was mostly normal for DH and R while I was gone.  Then, I got home, and the damn dam broke.

She spent nearly the entire waking day screaming, clinging, desiring ridiculous things.  She wanted her blanky, there, now.  No, now she doesnt want cereal, and she’s going to SCREAM about it.  What the heck are those dogs doing near her?  [scream, hit, scream, hit].  Pull on mommy’s hair, pants, shirt.  Oh, lets bite mommy’s shoulder now.  She wants the park, she wants Dora, she wants spongebob, she needs a new diaper NOW [we just changed it 2 seconds, literally, prior.]  Ugh.  She wants the dishwasher soap.  She wants the OTHER lotion.  [scream, cry, scream, cry.]  Cry. Cry. Cry. Scream. Throw. Cry.

Did you ever know that a child could be so incredibly unhappy?

She needs me to hold her, ALLL the time [she weighs 45 f.ing lbs].  She wants to wear the bra that I’M wearing.  Why the HELL is that dog chewing on it’s bone across the room???? [SCREAM, SCREAM, “NOOOOOOOOOOOO ZEUS!!!!”  For godsake.  I was NOT about to get up and punish the poor dog this time.  Scream, scream, she wants soda.  juice.  chocolate milk.  a lollypop.  cereal.  chips.  chocolate.  NO, she doesnt want ANY OF THAT.  Cry, cry cry.  OH WAIT, the little blanket she went to sit on had a FOLD IN THE CORNER.  She went ballistic.  UGH.

Are you guys getting the point?  I’m actually not making this up.

And these are only the parts that I wasn’t able to put out of my head.  I think my ears are bleeding.  Why does she save this all for me?  Why?  I mean, ultimately I’m glad that she’s so much more contained and happy for other people.  But the poor mom needs some love too, you know????

[this is emma last week, when her poor nose/upper lip was sore from blowing her nose so much.  She HAD to have a bandaid on it.  It was interesting watching her eat a grilled cheese sandwich like this…]

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3 thoughts on “good days, and not-so-good-days”

  1. Can you hold out ’til Mother’s Day? 😉
    You can have a different kind of love – because, YES, mom needs love too. You’ve earned extra love.
    Please hang in there… maybe when she’s older and she comes over to my house, and she makes you the ugliest, awesome-est ‘thing’ with lots of love for her mommy, it’ll make up for .5 seconds of hell from the day before?

  2. {{{hugs}}} being sent from England, Oh dear Daleth poor you.
    As I read this post I actually thought to myself this is just how I felt and would have written 12 years ago, if I would have had a blog.
    My *AJ was exactly the same.
    Biting, slapping, screaming, kicking, spitting and yes he too would have been inside the bra I was wearing. He drove me to tears, but I loved him to bits.
    Look at you Daleth, you’re an example you will achieve just what you set out to do. I’m sure your presentation will be excellent.
    You totally love your kids and even when the days are hard the love you have for them still flows through your writing.
    Lovely post, and thanks for sharing. I forget how hard I had it when I was a single Mom struggling at college, you are so real it’s refreshing.
    Love and hugs.
    Lisa. xx 🙂

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