Can I Catch My Breath?

[[pre-reading-note:  For some reason, I’ve used about 100 exclamation points in this post.  I’m not sure why I’m so excited about everything, but it’s really showing through my punctuation.  I apologize in advance if by the time you are done reading this post, you feel like you’ve been yelled at. ❤ ]]

Well, well, well…  It’s been over three weeks since my last post.  Bad-Daleth!

We’ve had a really amazing, busy, and stressful month.  School has been moving forward, faster than ever.  Homework, research projects, and papers are piling up as I speak!  🙂  I love every class.  I’ve been fighting to get R. his passport before his big class trip, we are anxiously waiting for the final verdict.  DH has been busy as ever, making his own mining equipment, testing his skills at pottery and tile-making, and of course, WORKING.  Thanks for paying the bills and feeding us, hunny!  And Emma?

Dear Emma.  She’s been making some incredible progress.  There are a few new things that she is doing that bring me such great joy.  This last month she has started singing more.  Now, she doesn’t really know many songs, but she kind of hums around, or repeats a word while she plays [in tune], or hums along a few notes to Old McDonald/etc.  It’s just so sweet and joyful, and such a beautiful ‘typical’ thing.  It’s a sign of her being happy, at least for a small period.  I really like it when she is happy. 🙂  She is also using her imagination more… today, she put a new jeanskirt on her head, and ran up to me smiling saying, “CROWN!  crown! Crown!”  I say, “Yes, princess Emma has a very pretty crown!”  🙂  The other day my DH put an old box on his head and said, “Hi Emma.”  Emma pointed at him and shouted, “ROBOT! ROBOT! ROBOT!”  I was delighted.  New positives also include easy transitions into her car seat, and being able to get pants on her most days of the week. 

Other more strange qualities and behaviors are becoming more apparent, some are disturbing.  But for the last few weeks I’ve been getting some sort of reprieve from the incessant blows.  I am resolved to not take a single moment for granted!  My mom has been here for the past few days.  Emma’s daycare/school has been closed for spring break and we are lucky enough for Mom to come spend time with Emma so that I could attend school classes. I’m jealous of Emma, I wish I could have spent the last four days with her.

I’ve had three other really big and amazing things happen this month.  FIRST: I gave my first AVA presentation!  AVA stands for A Vision of Autism, and it’s my little operation I have going on.  Mainly I’m advocating for autism education, and sharing to the community what it’s like to parent a special needs child.  Anyway, I gave the presentation to a class on the Exceptional Learner at our local community college.  It was a great success!  I got great feedback, and felt that I had really passed on some parts of my experience to others in a beneficial way.  I can’t believe I actually did it!  I’m really, really looking forward to giving the presentation throughout the region.  I will be doing my second performance at the end of April for Adams State College, where I am going to school. 

SECOND, I attended my first meeting about the Walk About Work Project.  I’m so excited and grateful to be a part of such an exciting venture!  It’s been quite a while in the making, but some parents and community members have gotten together and started a beautiful, mobile concession stand.  It will be run by special needs adults, giving them valuable work experience, and giving our community a great experience in appreciating these wonderful people!  It’s only a matter of weeks away from being complete and operating.  It’s through his project and it’s home-base that I am able to put together the Toy Bank.  I’ll be housing it in their location, and sharing some other options with them as well. 

THIRD: We went on our first family vacation!  We spent a week in sunny, beautiful Arizona.  It was incredible!  What a trip, I tell ya’.  Lots of interesting times with Em, but overall, really good.

FOURTH: Last but not least, I’ve launched yet another project.  Yeah, I just don’t have enough to do.  🙂  Anyway, here it is folks!  www.dalethmccoy.com  I’m doing custom oil portraiture.  My sister has put together a wonderful website, I’m such a lucky girl!

Oh yeah – I also had a birthday.  😀

[[[sigh]]]  Well, dear readers, I can’t leave you on such a mundane note.  So here’s some deeper thought for the day…  I’ve noticed that I hesitate greatly when it comes to sharing Emma’s progress and positive notes.  I want to share and roll around in it – yet – I am scared.  I fear false hope and well-meant ignorance from others.  I worry that other people will read and think that maybe Emma will turn out normal.  Maybe she’s cured.  Maybe Daleth doesn’t really struggle anymore, and her life as a mother is as typical as could be.  I worry that in sharing the boosts of progress I’ll be forced to having to convince people, yet again, that she really does have a disorder. 

I’ve been thinking about this reaction of mine, trying to analyze it and understand.  I think one of the more difficult and frustrating parts of the initial diagnosis period was in dealing with other people’s disbelief of her disability.  It was like a nightmare, having to negotiate conversations nicely and tactfully, when I wanted to scream and curse and cut someone up.  How dare someone doubt the reality of our pain and trauma we were experiencing?   —it was very challenging.  So, I guess I’m just protecting myself.  Interesting, eh?  🙂 

[note: I posted positive changes today.  I figure that’s the best way to move through this little thing.]

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3 thoughts on “Can I Catch My Breath?”

  1. Happy Birthday [again]!
    So, when can we give you all these great toys we’ve been saving?
    I *think* that this little break from less-positive reportings will not be like your initial battle to get friends/family to accept, since we’ve already gotten it out of our system – we know the facts, and we know better. We can ride these little hills with you. Or stand on the sidelines and cheer you on.

  2. Firstly….happy late birthday!!

    And wow….what a busy time you have had lately! My head hurt just breading about it,,, lol

    Those photos are so gorgeous….you are a great Mother…Emma is so blessed to have you on her side 🙂

  3. Hi and thanks for stopping by my blog recently. Your comment was so very nice and means a lot to me.

    Sounds like a busy full life you have. Celebrate Emma’s progress! Shout it from the rooftops! My daughter is doing so well that sometimes I forget how difficult it was back in the early days. That’s why I’m glad for the blog. I can go back and remember that the disability was really there. It’s still there now – it just doesn’t play the front and center role that it once did.

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