One thing I’ve recently absorbed, is that nearly everything really does change. With the exception of lack of sleep (which is a big deal), many of Emma’s challenges have morphed. Even slight change leads to new feelings of elation and at times desperation. But hey – at least its a new desperation.
It’s forcing me to come to new alignments with parenting, patience, positivity and hope. I mean – to really internally register that “XYZ” won’t be in its exact same form forever is liberating. I know that there are certain actions that we, as parents of a child with autism, may have to deal with on a long-term basis. But I’m focusing on all of those other things…
I think the trick to “the allowing” is to do your best to SHHHHHH- fear responses. I’ve found that I try to protect myself from further disappointment by fearing the worst. That “XYZ” will NEVER change, that it will get worse, that it will be bigger and heavier and stronger than ever. This same protective fear doesn’t allow me to appreciate when things lighten in a certain area. I sometimes don’t even see my little reprieves, because I’m fearful of it changing back – or turning into something WORSE.
Here’s a funny example: Emma went from wearing only dresses and sometimes pants, to suddenly only wearing stretchpants (leggings). This has become very problematic. After about 6 months of this, I went ahead and got rid of a bunch of new jeans I’d gotten her. Why wait? Several weeks later, she suddenly wanted to wear JEANS. Of course, right?!?! I found myself just fearing that she’d go to ONLY wearing jeans, and not any of the 900 new pairs of leggings we’d gotten her. I saw $$$, I saw fits, I saw my daughter refusing to wear another pretty dress.
But this new little voice speaking let me know that it’s all right – – It’s okay to enjoy progress. It’s okay to celebrate her victories. It’s okay to take a big, HUGE >>sigh<< of relief that a behavior might be going away, however momentary. There are always new challenges. But I’m discovering that preparing myself for future challenges by NOT enjoying current victories is really short-changing and ineffective.
NOT that any of you ever do that, with your autistic child, typical child, or any other part of your life. Heh-heh!
Anyway. Enough introspection. Whatsup here????? Well, I’ve been very bad at posting, obviously. For those that don’t know, I’m working towards my bachelors degree at a local state college. This last semester I had to take 6 classes at once, four of them studio classes. Translation = CRAZYTOWN. I’ve also been working hard with some very impressive and dedicated women in Oregon on our new non-profit, The “A” Team Justice League, AKA “The A Team” (You can find this group on Facebook). Lots of details we are still working out, etc. I’d love for you all to check out and befriend our website at www.theateamtoday.org. I’ve also edited and produced our second publication of LoveABLE News. ‘Folks with autism in your lives (and those that don’t!) PLEASE check out this newsletter. It has so many hysterical articles, and some wonderful perspectives, reviews, etc. You don’t have to live in Oregon to enjoy and participate; I live in Colorado!
I was working a bit on the website, and decided to throw all of my blogroll on there. They’re all great, wonderful, articulate people dealing with autism in their own or kid’s lives. It suddenly made me SO homesick! I miss reading everyone’s words, and lives, and used to feel like I knew what was going on with the peeps. But it’s okay. I’ll be a loyal reader/commenter again, hopefully soon.
Emma is just growing like mint. 🙂 She’s cute, cuddly, and as non-negotiable as ever! She’s really making some great progress. She can write her name sometimes, and has started drawing some figures. She also made up her first song last week, it goes:
“Momma likes peanut butter, Emma doesn’t.” (refrain)
So cute. Two days ago she started switching Momma and Emma around, for humor effect, I was really impressed and have to tickle the stuffing out of her when she does it.
Her anxiety and OCD issues have increased drastically, but hey, that’s for another post. We’re sticking to the positive right now. Right???? Lots of love to my loyal readers. Love you all!