Can I Catch My Breath?

[[pre-reading-note:  For some reason, I’ve used about 100 exclamation points in this post.  I’m not sure why I’m so excited about everything, but it’s really showing through my punctuation.  I apologize in advance if by the time you are done reading this post, you feel like you’ve been yelled at. ❤ ]]

Well, well, well…  It’s been over three weeks since my last post.  Bad-Daleth!

We’ve had a really amazing, busy, and stressful month.  School has been moving forward, faster than ever.  Homework, research projects, and papers are piling up as I speak.  🙂  I love every class.  I’ve been fighting to get R. his passport before his big class trip, we are anxiously waiting for the final verdict.  DH has been busy as ever, making his own mining equipment, testing his skills at pottery and tile-making, and of course, WORKING.  Thanks for paying the bills and feeding us, hunny!  And Emma?

Dear Emma.  She’s been making some incredible progress.  There are a few new things that she is doing that bring me such great joy.  This last month she has started singing more.  Now, she doesn’t really know many songs, but she kind of hums around, or repeats a word while she plays [in tune], or hums along a few notes to Old McDonald/etc.  It’s just so sweet and joyful, and such a beautiful ‘typical’ thing.  It’s a sign of her being happy, at least for a small period.  I really like it when she is happy. 🙂  She is also using her imagination more… today, she put a new jeanskirt on her head, and ran up to me smiling saying, “CROWN!  crown! Crown!”  I say, “Yes, princess Emma has a very pretty crown!”  🙂  The other day my DH put an old box on his head and said, “Hi Emma.”  Emma pointed at him and shouted, “ROBOT! ROBOT! ROBOT!”  I was delighted.  New positives also include easy transitions into her car seat, and being able to get pants on her most days of the week. 

Other more strange qualities and behaviors are becoming more apparent, some are disturbing.  But for the last few weeks I’ve been getting some sort of reprieve from the incessant blows.  I am resolved to not take a single moment for granted!  My mom has been here for the past few days.  Emma’s daycare/school has been closed for spring break and we are lucky enough for Mom to come spend time with Emma so that I could attend school classes. I’m jealous of Emma, I wish I could have spent the last four days with her.

I’ve had three other really big and amazing things happen this month.  FIRST: I gave my first AVA presentation!  AVA stands for A Vision of Autism, and it’s my little operation I have going on.  Mainly I’m advocating for autism education, and sharing to the community what it’s like to parent a special needs child.  Anyway, I gave the presentation to a class on the Exceptional Learner at our local community college.  It was a great success!  I got great feedback, and felt that I had really passed on some parts of my experience to others in a beneficial way.  I can’t believe I actually did it!  I’m really, really looking forward to giving the presentation throughout the region.  I will be doing my second performance at the end of April for Adams State College, where I am going to school.

SECOND, I attended my first meeting about the Walk About Work Project.  I’m so excited and grateful to be a part of such an exciting venture!  It’s been quite a while in the making, but some parents and community members have gotten together and started a beautiful, mobile concession stand.  It will be run by special needs adults, giving them valuable work experience, and giving our community a great experience in appreciating these wonderful people!  It’s only a matter of weeks away from being complete and operating.  It’s through his project and it’s home-base that I am able to put together the Toy Bank.  I’ll be housing it in their location, and sharing some other options with them as well.

THIRD: We went on our first family vacation!  We spent a week in sunny, beautiful Arizona.  It was incredible!  What a trip, I tell ya’.  Lots of interesting times with Em, but overall, really good.

FOURTH: Last but not least, I’ve launched yet another project.  Yeah, I just don’t have enough to do.  🙂  Anyway, here it is folks!  www.dalethmccoy.com  I’m doing custom oil portraiture.  My sister has put together a wonderful website, I’m such a lucky girl!

Oh yeah – I also had a birthday.  😀

[[[sigh]]]  Well, dear readers, I can’t leave you on such a mundane note.  So here’s some deeper thought for the day…  I’ve noticed that I hesitate greatly when it comes to sharing Emma’s progress and positive notes.  I want to share and roll around in it – yet – I am scared.  I fear false hope and well-meant ignorance from others.  I worry that other people will read and think that maybe Emma will turn out normal.  Maybe she’s cured.  Maybe Daleth doesn’t really struggle anymore, and her life as a mother is as typical as could be.  I worry that in sharing the boosts of progress I’ll be forced to having to convince people, yet again, that she really does have a disorder.

I’ve been thinking about this reaction of mine, trying to analyze it and understand.  I think one of the more difficult and frustrating parts of the initial diagnosis period was in dealing with other people’s disbelief of her disability.  It was like a nightmare, having to negotiate conversations nicely and tactfully, when I wanted to scream and curse and cut someone up.  How dare someone doubt the reality of our pain and trauma we were experiencing?   —it was very challenging.  So, I guess I’m just protecting myself.  Interesting, eh?  🙂

[note: I posted positive changes today.  I figure that’s the best way to move through this little thing.]

good days, and not-so-good-days

Today wasn’t an especially good day with Miss Em.  I left this morning before she woke up and headed over to my sister’s office.  It was empty, quiet, and perfect to get my Autism Presentation finished.  I have my first actual presentation scheduled this week [holy cow!]  Anyway, apparently she was mostly normal for DH and R while I was gone.  Then, I got home, and the damn dam broke.

She spent nearly the entire waking day screaming, clinging, desiring ridiculous things.  She wanted her blanky, there, now.  No, now she doesn’t want cereal, and she’s going to SCREAM about it.  What the heck are those dogs doing near her?  [scream, hit, scream, hit].  Pull on mommy’s hair, pants, shirt.  Oh, lets bite mommy’s shoulder now.  She wants the park, she wants Dora, she wants Spongebob, she needs a new diaper NOW [we just changed it 2 seconds, literally, prior.]  Ugh.  She wants the dishwasher soap.  She wants the OTHER lotion.  [scream, cry, scream, cry.]  Cry. Cry. Cry. Scream. Throw. Cry.

Did you ever know that a child could be so incredibly unhappy?

She needs me to hold her, ALLL the time [she weighs 45 f.ing lbs].  She wants to wear the bra that I’M wearing.  Why the HELL is that dog chewing on it’s bone across the room???? [SCREAM, SCREAM, “NOOOOOOOOOOOO ZEUS!!!!”  For godsake.  I was NOT about to get up and punish the poor dog this time.  Scream, scream, she wants soda.  juice.  chocolate milk.  a lollypop.  cereal.  chips.  chocolate.  NO, she doesn’t want ANY OF THAT.  Cry, cry cry.  OH WAIT, the little blanket she went to sit on had a FOLD IN THE CORNER.  She went ballistic.  UGH.

Are you guys getting the point?  I’m actually not making this up.

And these are only the parts that I wasn’t able to put out of my head.  I think my ears are bleeding.  Why does she save this all for me?  Why?  I mean, ultimately I’m glad that she’s so much more contained and happy for other people.  But the poor mom needs some love too, you know????

[this is emma last week, when her poor nose/upper lip was sore from blowing her nose so much.  She HAD to have a bandaid on it.  It was interesting watching her eat a grilled cheese sandwich like this…]

Emma’s Third Birthday

Emma turned 3 years old on Valentine’s Day.  Our little sweetheart had a wonderful time…  Lots of balloons, a train cake, pretty dresses [notice her outfit change partway through the photos], family, etc.  It was a really nice day, and overall she did very well.  No meltdowns or anything!  She did go to sleep at about 4pm….  That’s what I’d call worn out!

Well, try this instead:

A few things about Emma.

She’s been sick, forever, like all of us here.  Oh, here’s a new one!  Emma is now chewing gum!  I am pretty excited about this.  I mean, aside from cleaning gum out of hair, upholstery, pockets, and god-knows-what-else [It will all happen eventually], I hope that it can be another inexpensive trick for my tool-box.  She loves it, it’s great sensory input, she needs help with chewing skills, blah blah blah.  🙂  Yae.

Her preschool was just so impressed the other week.  Apparently somewhere they had a play-doctor kit.  Well, Emma took charge, and quickly found herself doctoring the entire class – including the teacher.  Ha ha!  She was checking blood pressure, looking in ears, listening to heartbeats, and taking temperature.  I told her teacher, “Lets just sum it up to the many, many doctor’s visits that she’s had over the last year.”

She has now gone from screaming and hitting our two dogs, to screaming at them, “GO WAY DOWN!!!!!! WAY DOWN NOW!!!”  [lay down]  Well.  At least its more verbal, although still somewhat abusive.  Everyone seems to talk about how animals [ie, the dogs for autism etc] have been so amazing for their child.  NOT EMMA.  I don’t know what it is, but she just won’t bond with dogs at all.  Fish?  Now, fish are a-okay.

OCD has been emerging a bit, I can’t say that’s fun.  She had me ripping off her dress in the Goodwill parking lot the other weekend, she swore [screamed, i guess] that it was dirty.  That was after 10+ minutes of me trying every trick in the book to distract her, or get her to realize that her dress was actually still clean.  Ugh!  Her hands are very raw and sore from hand washing.  I broke down and got some super-mild oil of olay facewash for her to use as hand soap.  I guess I shouldn’t complain, some people have real issues getting their SN kids to clean at all.  At least Emma wont stink [yet].

She has taken up a little bit with orange soda.  I can’t say I’m EXCITED about that, but, a little bit of variety away from the chocolate milk is nice.  At least she will free up a little bit of her drinking away from a food-like liquid, and maybe have more of an appetite for food.

Well, that’s enough rambling for today… I’ll leave you with one last Emma:

Emma loves putting playdough into the garlic press and making long, pretty colored POOP.  Ha ha ha ha!  I keep calling it hair, but she just won’t buy it.

…and from the back row-

Oh sweet mother of all, does it have to hit from all sides?  I’m dealing with:

1) The chaos of my autistic toddler [sorry, PFL aside] who is now exhibiting some horrible compulsive habits to go along with the rest of it all

2) School, which I seem to be about 2.15 steps behind where I need to be, at all times

3) Trying to recover from going-on-three-months of ridiculous colds/influenza, a horrible now-9-month plantar fasciitis, a leaky bladder [I know, too much information] and a diet that doesn’t fit well to life on the run

4) My grandma’s death, and my mother’s overwhelming grief at losing her mother [I just can’t stand it when my mommy is sad… 😦 ]

NOW.  LET’S ADD MY 15-YEAR OLD SON, R. TO THE MIX…  Gads.  I’ll just go with today:

He let his friend come over to hang out [no friends allowed at the house when we’re not home, unless approved by us parental units].  So, when my DH came home for lunch, R. got scared, and his friend decided to leave via R.’s second-story bedroom window.  Then, R. forgot to SHUT the window, leaving it wide open with curtains trailing outside.  It’s winter time, remember?

At dinner we are eating, and it comes up yet again that my 15-year old doesn’t know the months of the year.  We’ve been working on this for a loooong, looooooooooong time….     He doesn’t remember what month Halloween or Thanksgiving is in, and he doesn’t know what month we are in right now.  He guesses, “Uh, January???”    I still don’t know for sure if he understands YEARS and all that, in connection with dates.  Ugh.

Later, R. is downstairs watching TV, I’m up here trying to study for a big psych test.  He comes up with an empty bottle of gummy vitamin-D supplements.  “Uh, Mom?  I sort of had a couple of these, and then I forgot that they were vitamins, and I forgot that I was eating them, and I finished the rest of the bottle…”  GREAT.  I looked online, and couldn’t find anything too conclusive for a person ingesting over 30,000 IU of vitamin D in one sitting.  So I make him get the phone and the poison control center magnet off the fridge…  and call.  He calls, and at the end of the conversation I ask to talk to the woman.  We had a nice chuckle over me making him call and deal with the situation, and with him eating the bottle of vitamins [especially because I thought it was my 3 year old I had to watch out for].  Ha.  R. is embarrassed as could be, OH WELL.  I asked him if he remembered to take his medicine, and NO.  He hadn’t.  It’s hard to get your ADHD kid to remember to take a pill every day, and it looks like we are going to have to instigate some new methods around here.

About 30 minutes ago, DH comes home from installing our car DVD player headrests and drove up to find our dogs running around outside.  They’d been out forever, as, I’d asked R. to let the dogs out an hour or so previously.  [He knows that entails letting them BACK IN, he’s only done it a few million times.] 😦

OH MY GOD.  And I just ended up in tears, being that he’s expecting to get his learner’s permit in less than 6 months.  Have a job.  A life.

Am I going to have BOTH my kids living with me for the rest of my life?  Are they going to reproduce, and then I can have all my kids and my grandchildren living with me forever?  What in the world is going ON?  I feel very sad right now.

Summing Up

It’s a gray, cold Monday morning.  I’ve got a billion things to do here at the house, and Emma’s nasty cold is resurfacing for the 4th or 5th time.  I wish that I could just nurse hot tea and keep Emma happy.  Yes, yes, I know that popular opinion usually dictates “Oh, just let those things go and spend the day with your kid.”  But I just can’t do it…  I happen to have the day off school, and we have company coming in Friday.  There is a lot that has to get done, like moving storage off the spare bed, etc etc etc.   >sigh

The last three weeks have been okay, I guess.  My Grandma died last week, and to be honest – it just isn’t real yet.  Here and there I get ‘glimpses’ of feeling the loss.  But to be honest [this may sound horrible folks] I’m almost too busy right now to really process.  She lived in another country and we didn’t see her often.  However, I did spend a year near her, and developed some close ties.  She was a very unusual woman, and I just don’t quite believe that she’s not up there in the far north…

One morning I went to get Emma out of bed, and she had demolished an entire TUB of butt cream [$35].  She had covered her entire body in the gunk, including hair, and paying special attention to her belly button and toes.  It was smeared all over the wood of her crib, and on her blankets too.  If the camera had been handy I would have taken a picture of her.  But honestly, I was too tired and pissed to go looking for it.  A long bath with lots of Dawn dish soap took care of part of the problem…  Later I took a picture of her baby doll that was in the crib with her.

School is crazy.  I had a dream last night that I miserably failed my astronomy exam.  Probably taken from feelings of failure from my math exam last Friday.  I leave town at 8am, and don’t get home until 7pm.  That’s so late, that Emma usually eats in Alamosa – which means she has access to one of her only ‘in’ foods – grilled cheese sandwiches.  We get home, and she goes to bed.  Isn’t that sad?  I mean, I do miss her and all.  But – the early bedtime definitely helps me get more homework time in the evening.

blah blah blah.

Sorry folks, I feel like Im just regurgitating boring STUFF.  Not very creative today.  Maybe my brain is paralyzed, who knows?

Emma has continued with some wicked tantrums, especially after school.  Doctor’s appointments have come and gone.  School appears to be really good for her.  We found out she’s officially the size of a 4 1/2 year old.  Ha ha ha!!  Yeah, she’s huge.  Not overweight, but her diapers do interfere with pant sizes.  She is still just OBSESSED with latex exam gloves.  I have boxes at home and in the car now.  ‘Tell you what, if she decides that gloves are what she needs, you’d better have them handy!

Ugh.  She is so grumpy this morning!  Just sitting in her spot on the couch, kind of screeching at me like an angry bird.  I can’t figure out what she wants.  Damned if I do [try to figure out – wrong guesses piss her off] and damned if I don’t [duh.  more anger].  I cut her hair….  a nice bob.  It’s really cute on her, but I’m a little bummed about it.  I really wanted to grow her hair out long and pretty.  I’m sure I will some day, but for now I just needed the hair wars to end.  I mean, it’s still horrible most of the time when I brush it – but it only lasts 2 versus 8 minutes.  🙂  Victory?

I went to the PEP [parents encouraging parents] conference in January.  It was amazing and very educational.  I received fantastic legal information about my kids’ rights concerning IEP, jobs, etc.  I also made several good people connections and got valuable information for when I start my parent support group here in the Valley.

The toy bank is coming along, as friends have started collecting toys/etc.  For those of you that have the money for shipping, please consider donating your used toys/special needs equipment to us.  Besides toys, used [or new!] art supplies are appreciated as well.  Anyway, it looks like the location is coming through.  Now the main coordinator is trying to figure out how to get utilities covered, and then I believe it will be moving time.  🙂  I’m so excited!

I’ve also got two bookings for my A.V.A. presentation.  [A Vision of Autism].  One big one at Adams State College, and a small one at Trinidad State Junior College.  I’m really excited about this too, and hope to eventually be presenting all over the valley and beyond.

Anyway.  To leave you all on a good note, here is a video from one of Emma’s favorite Sesame Street episodes.  I just love this song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyVzjoj96vs

Sugar Blues

Emma’s first day was about as perfect as it could get.  She was happy, cooperative, and ate a ton of food.  Miss Rachel said that she wouldn’t sit down at all during circle time, but we’d work on it.  I was amazed – when I went out on the playground to get her she didn’t do her usual running to me with arms open gleefully yelling “Mommy!!”  She looked at me, and continued playing in the sand, happily talking to me about the sand buckets she was putting on her head.  It was unusual, but could’ve been worse.

However, she didn’t nap, and it was her first day in preschool.  She was so exhausted when we got home that everything was a CRISIS of epic proportion.  You didn’t dare look at her cross-eyed, for fear or roaring retaliation.  I wanted to hold out until 7 or 7:30, but couldnt resist anymore.  6:30 she was in bed, crying and crying.  “Ouuucheeee!!!! Mommy, oucheee!!”  I think that she was just overstimulated beyond reason at this point.  I went in there and had to sing to her for 25 minutes before she finally passed out…  ugh.  That makes my feet and back hurt.  ‘Sweet thing is soundly sleeping, and I’m getting ready to head to bed soon too.

On a “ME” note, I started back on my no sugar, no wheat, no corn/potato diet today.  Double UGH.  The last time I started this, I had a raging headache for 3 days, and felt like I had a horrible flu for nearly 4 weeks.  Let’s all keep fingers and toes crossed that this time is better.  I already have the headache, yae, right on track!  I forgot how bad it was when I started…  Now I wish I hadn’t gotten off track for so long.  ‘Talk about motivation to eat well!

Another Beginning, A New Belonging

Today was Emma’s first day in preschool.  I sent her fully armed: Dora sweater, Baby, Blanket with stars.  I felt like I should include a suitcase complete with other favorite bedding items, books that calm her down, her playdough tools, sippy cups, rubber gloves, more babies, a DVD player and Popeye movies, and much – much – more.  Will I ever feel ready? Will I ever be truly confident that she HAS everything she needs?

She’s one month away from turning 3, so technically she’s 2. And she towers over the other 3 year olds like a large, blue-eyed statue.  She’s the benevolent giant of sorts, harmless until you get in between her and the baby.  She seemed curious about the classroom and began exploring immediately.  Her new teachers are very experienced, relaxed, and very nice.

I’m sitting in the school library.  I brought my painting supplies with me, in case the art building was open for business.  It appeared that they were still preparing for the next semester, so I guess I’ll just have to wait another 5 days.  [[sigh]]

You know, I have been feeling like I might be living on some sort of a moving circus train car or something; I just can’t get my footing.  Life seems to be changing so rapidly that it’s like when I went on the fishing boat off the coast of Oregon.  It wasn’t horrible, just hard on the knees.  Between the huge change of school semesters and vacations, Emma’s continual process of unpredictable development, my son growing so fast it catches my breath, doctor and therapy and school appointments, —- normal —- Will I ever have a section of life that feels normal/settled/regular ever again?

I’ve started breaking ground for my public service plans.  I’m going to be operating a toy-bank for children with special needs.  I appear to have connected with the right people, and in the next few months I should have a location, complete with the tax-write-off receipts and everything.  I now need to put together a plan on approaching our local thrift stores, larger businesses, and corporations to ask for toy donations.  I live in the poorest county in Colorado, and there are plenty of special-needs children here that would benefit from free toys.  It’s going to be relatively low-maintenance once I get it all set up [[knock on wood]].  I’ve always wanted to create or be a part of something-anything that genuinely helps people.  The trick is motivation.  Meaning, you have to find something that really fills you with PASSION.  Something that means so much to you – that even when all energy reserves are gone – the thought of working on the project gives you more energy within itself.  🙂   Through Emma, I have become passionate about not just autism, but all special needs children.  I’m pumped.  Give me some toys.   😉 😉

I also found out that there is a local [yes, in my world, 55 miles away IS local] support group for parents of SN/autistic children that meets once a month.  -?!-  Why I didn’t hear about this 9 months ago is a mystery, but it’s certain good news regardless.  It’s not big, and they are meeting this Saturday.  I’m going.  I’m nervous.  I’m worried.   🙂  I hope I love it.

Anyway.  Emma has decided that she loves POPEYE.  Isn’t that funny?  Today I put it on while we drove to school.  She was back there, and the next thing I know, she was LAUGHING.  As in – REALLY LAUGHING – AT POPEYE.  Isn’t that just fantastic?  She got the humor [I tremble to think about WHAT was so funny to her] and that is just priceless.  For those that don’t get why I’m so excited about this, humor and jokes can be very difficult for a person with autism.  Some never get it at all, because the world around them is taken very literally.

Hmpf.  Popeye.  Who would’ve thunk it?

>>Ding-Ding<< round one – Done.

Emma is sitting on the floor taking all 5-billion little plastic hair bands out of the box, transferring them to a small red jewelry box.  Now she’s chewing on the outside of the jewelry box, and there are 2-billion little plastic hair bands all over my living room floor [think of orthodontic bands].  Hey, at least they’re multi-colored, it’s like a party.  A fiesta-band celebration!  Did I mention that she is wearing her WEDDING DRESS that she got for christmas, today?  Yes.  The princess is here.

The queen is typing, with a nice hot english breakfast tea within inches of hand…  🙂 We’ve had a pretty decent morning.  Emma woke up and I brought her to bed with me, where she pointed at my breasts and said, “NO TOUCHING!”  Ha ha ha!  I’ve been working on getting her to hold off on the grappling that she thinks is so hysterical, leaving me red-cheeked and frustrated.  This is the first I’ve heard of her interpretation or understanding that I might not appreciate the attention.  🙂

*brb*Well, the hair bands just got thrown all over the floor, so I went and picked them up.  Kind of.  There’s an assortment of dog hair, sawdust, and bits of floor stuff in there too now.  Ugh.  *brb*Dora is now out of the car and into the home dvd player.  I also grabbed the remaining powdered mini-donuts from our car trip.  😀  Okay, now I’m ready to WRITE!

Tuesday: we left at 4:30 am for Denver.  Item one: Meet with Dr. Van Hove, Pediatric Metabolic Specialist. Results: None, follow up in three years for another basic panel to see where bloodwork is at.

All of the tests that were performed came back negative, which is positive, meaning that everything is normal, which should make us happy, but really it was sad.  🙂  Somewhat.  It would be nice to find out some basic underlying problem that could be cured with a pill, but I guess it would also be rather anti-climactic after all this excitement we’ve had lately.  The Dr. said that  he has no doubt that there is an underlying metabolic condition, but being that she has no other physical manifestations right now, it doesn’t warrant further testing.  If there is a sudden deterioration of anything physically or otherwise, then we will re-address further investigation.  He said that most likely whatever it is will eventually become more apparent, as all metabolic conditions worsen over time.  However, it could be 2 years, 10 years, 50 years, who knows?  We have put it to bed.

Then we did some shopping.  Reserved our regular hotel room.  Ate at the Olive Garden.  [Yum!].  Went to bed, and all was well.  Overall it was one of the better trips as far as Emma’s behavior is concerned.

Wednesday: Arrive at the Developmental Clinic at The Children’s Hospital, 8am sharp.

A summary and brief regurgitation…

Testing with Emma directly was around 3-4 hours.  Then, there were interviews of all sorts, and general discussion regarding results.  Emma was in a decent mood throughout the testing and etc, but it took soooooo much effort to keep her happy and engaged.  Overall, I really believe that she gave them her best, and that she performed accurately as well.  However, the process and dealing with her was so exhausting that it left B. and I feeling like we were hit by a truck.  The team is WONDERFUL.  I feel incredibly lucky to be able to work with such a caring, knowledgable, thorough, and capable group of specialists.

The general results [which I’ll outline further when I receive the written reports] were consistent with what we had thought.  They did move her from a diagnosis of PDD-NOS to Autistic Disorder, and we received our medical waiver, or “Long Term Care Professional Medical Information” form.  This gives us our diagnosis in official form, which is useful for insurance, SSI, and other benefits. Specific results came back low in all areas, but I don’t remember the figures.  They ‘weren’t good’, but those things don’t bother me as much anymore.  Really, I guess I’ve accepted that my child has a disability, and it is what it is.  I’d rather know exactly where she is, to gage how to best help her and build on her strengths.  Anyway.  Like I said, more on the specifics at a later date.

We had good conversation with the doctors about the biomedical/alternative treatments that are popular within the autism-community.  The advice given feels right-on.  Basically, they recommend we spend our time, money and energy on the treatments that have been clinically documented to benefit children with autism.  With whatever is “left over”, feel free to experiment with the alternatives that are safe.  [There are treatments that cause more harm than good]  On a note, Studies have still failed to prove that a GFCF diet improves autism at all.  Most recently, Princeton performed a very careful and detailed study in which  children were fed completely identical foods, some GFCF, others ‘normal’ [placebo].  The results showed absolutely no difference between the two groups with any autistic characteristics.  I was happy to hear this, because I honestly do not feel that I could realistically incorporate that change into our lives.

We’re working on creating a new bedtime/wakeup schedule, and are going to continue focus on getting her sleep cycles fixed.

The doctors told me at the very end of our visit that although they think Emma is very very cute and sweet, they can tell that she is very, very challenging and difficult to deal with; Terry’s been performing these tests for years, and rarely is there a child that makes the process as challenging for her as Emma did.  Then, they both told me that I am an absolutely excellent mother, and they are extremely impressed with how I handle Emma and my strategies.  Over and over, they said that, and that they don’t tell that to every mother that comes in.  It was fantastic; there have been times lately where I feel like she is going to drive me over the edge, and no one else seems notice the insanity I have to go through to function with her.  Family and friends rarely see picture in its entirety, and also don’t know how to see the invisible hoops I jump through on a minute-by-minute basis.

I asked if they would put it in writing for me.  [[grin]]

I don’t think they will.  But the positive feedback from those dedicated and experienced professionals was not only nice, but necessary.  I know that all mothers doubt their parenting, constantly questioning if they are really living up to their full ‘good mother’ potential…  I think with a special needs child, the pressure to perform is amped up a level or two.

Anyway, I’ve momentarily exhausted my verbage about Emma.  Phew.  Happy days to all you readers! ❤

Photos From Christmas in Ft. Collins